Reflections on Caregiving
by Sister Bernice Feilinger, SSND
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S. Bernice with S. Marie Kevin Muller |
How does a math teacher become a caregiver? What does it mean to serve in that capacity within a religious community? Reflecting on my role for the last 19 years with our sisters, I realize that my past has helped to prepare me. From the example of my parents who were caregivers for their parents, to visiting hospitals with my father; from helping to care for my sister and mother at home, to the example of caring religious superiors; from experiences as a Dean of Students living in a dorm, to serving as provincial councilor, working with our aging and infirm sisters, I was being formed in the skills of caregiving. These are some of the guidelines that have helped me along the way.
Each Sister is an Individual
Try to get to know each Sister as a person. Learn about the life she led before illness or advanced age changed her, and share this information with the staff. In planning her care, do not presume the Sister lacks understanding. Instead, keep her engaged in decisions to the extent she is able. In order to build trusting relationships, I visit the Sisters frequently, often sharing meals with them. Being present for the little things prepares the way for bigger decisions to come.
Building Community
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S. Bernice with S. Mary Lina Litvik |
Help create a sense of community and keep the Sisters informed about each other without “worrying” them. Celebrate events to keep them involved in the life of the broader community. The caregiver must see all as equals among equals, including those who are difficult to engage or unable to verbalize.
Considerations of Self
A caregiver needs to be flexible in her own life. She will have to juggle demands of the role with her personal life. In the face of unending ministerial needs, it can be hard to accept the fact that she can neither be there for the Sisters every time, nor solve every problem. Keep learning and stay informed on health issues to better understand the responsibilities of a health agent. Cultivate supportive friendships that foster an understanding of the demands of the ministry. Be gentle with yourself and you will be gentle with others.
Interactions with Staff
Get to know the physicians and help them understand the Community’s philosophy of care. Know your staff. Respect, appreciate, and communicate with them. Enable them to take moments for renewal, even if only to close the door for a few minutes. Share your responsibilities evenly and you’ll last longer in ministry
Blessings
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S. Bernice with S. Loretta Marie Schultz |
The caregiver role is demanding and challenging but it also has boundless blessings. I have received valuable lessons on aging by sharing the lives of my Sisters. I am better able to define what is really important in life. A little wiser about letting go, I find myself with friends here and in heaven whose intercession I call on daily.
Sister Bernice is the Local Leader of Maria Health Care Center, Baltimore, MD
“Prayer of the Caregiver”
by Sister Denise Callaghan, SSND
She never asks me to cure her…
Only to care.
She needs to know that I understand
And can sense something of her pain.
She simply needs me there where she can feel my hand in hers
And lean against my strength.
She is not alone and that is a marvelous consolation
When illness comes and the compassion felt is real.
Love has held us for so many years
And love bonds us still.
Jesus, dear healer, be my strength ,
my wisdom, my peace…
Help me to do all that I can do
And then to let go.
Teach me to live with the questions
That have no answers,
The needs that have no end.
Help me to give, knowing that always,
I receive.
This prayer was presented to Sr. Bernice by Sr. Denise, who passed away in 2006.