By Sister Carole Tabano, SSND
During many years of my religious life I have prayed every day to know the mind and heart of Jesus.
What did Jesus think when certain situations were presented for His response?
What did His heart feel as He was called to be compassionate to the most unloving, unwanted, rejected and needy?
Holy Thursday has held a special place in my prayer life. It was the ultimate gift of total love, sacrifice and complete self giving. It was a celebration of life with His beloved friends as He prepared to meet His final surrender.
Jesus offered the bread and chalice that were filled with sacrifice and overflowing with love as He said his last farewell. I wondered what His heart and mind were saying during those moments.
I prayed with Jesus in the garden as he faced what the near future would hold for Him.
Betrayal of friends, isolation, extreme suffering, and a sense of total aloneness were His to endure as He begged the Father to remove this chalice from Him.
Yes, Love gives all again and again. I FELT at that moment the pain and desolation, and wanted to console Him.
I asked for forgiveness for my part in His suffering, and asked for courage to change what needed to be changed in my life.
I needed to surrender in love and to let go of all that held me bound. The experience was total gift at that moment as I cried with my God.
I have felt betrayal, loneliness, rejection, and the weight of my own sinfulness at times, and have asked to be renewed.
I have asked to be the mind and heart of my Jesus in my actions.
I have asked to be compassion for others. To really see with my heart.
I have asked to be able to stand up after I fall, and to face each day knowing I am loved and forgiven and gifted.
Holy Thursday leading into Good Friday has always held a special place in my life.
I wrote this poem in 1991 when I experienced some difficult times.
O Darkness, where is your hold?
No longer does the grip of your insecurities strangle the broken heart.
The soul aching to be free. Releases its Holy Scream
And the echo resounds……………………..
Mercy! Forgiveness! Forgiveness! Mercy! Mercy!
The cry falls on sacred ground and LIFE embraces life.
Crevices surrender as they reveal their secret beauties to the LIGHT
The child plays once again in the warmth of newness
And God delights in the birth!
Oh Darkness, you have no hold!
